Presidential Speech
Good morning everyone, I would like to start by saying just how honored I am to be speaking here today. I feel incredibly grateful to be speaking to such a fantastic crowd in the great state of Colorado. Now, let’s be honest- I could stand up here and recite a whole lot of nonsensical political rhetoric- as I am sure many of my fellow candidates will- but the fact is that’s not who I am, and that’s not what I’m here to do today. I’d like to take this opportunity to give you all an honest look at some of the policies that are most integral to the core of my campaign and my beliefs. Starting off, we need to address the issue we still face as a country: COVID-19. Thanks to the hard work of our amazing doctors, scientists, healthcare workers, and first responders, America is on the road to recovery. Downward economic trends surrounding inflation, unemployment, and international commerce as well as new COVID variants like Delta and Omicron threaten the progress we have worked so hard to achieve against. I would like to make it clear that my party and I strongly support vaccination for all eligible U.S. citizens, as well as any other steps we may need to take to keep our communities safe. However, the choice to mandate the COVID vaccine should remain in the hands of individual businesses and communities, not the federal government. In the wake of the pandemic- with inflation now at a 39-year high- the federal minimum wage has become a topic of immense debate in the current political climate. Now I’ll tell you; the working class has always been and will continue to be the backbone of our great nation. They represent good hardworking people putting in time and dedication across the country to lead us all to a greater future. However, raising the minimum wage should be a decision left to the states in order to best support each’s unique workforce. Another issue of great importance to me is the right to choose. The fundamental right for all women to be able to make the decisions that will be right for their own pregnancy and their own body. Recently, this right has been threatened by those who would argue against the right to choose. My party and I believe this right should remain in the hands of the individual, and not the federal government. The decision reached by the United States Supreme Court in Roe v. Wade nearly 50 years ago should be upheld, and if elected, I swear to do all I can to protect this foundational right. To do otherwise would threaten the positive progress America has worked so hard to achieve since the ruling. Speaking on the topic of progress, I would like to voice my support for the federal legalization of marijuana for medical and recreational use. Since 1970, marijuana has been classified as a Schedule I drug under federal law, a senseless classification that has led to countless unjust convictions and imprisonments over the past 50 years, often disproportionately impacting black and brown communities throughout the country. It is high time we realized that a war on marijuana is not a war worth fighting- especially considering the growing opioid crisis fueled by the negligence of Big Pharma and corporate entities. Furthermore, the benefits of legalization are clear and impactful. Taxation on dispensary sales could go towards funding better education and better infrastructure. This money could be used to fund better roads, bridges, parks, and public spaces for us all. We need to come together as a nation to help America on the path to healing and beyond. Today our country is more divided than ever, and what has likely become the most divisive issue in America is gun control. And yet, just two weeks ago a 15-year-old student at Oxford High School in Michigan pulled out a semiautomatic handgun from his backpack and opened fire. Four innocent lives were taken, and several others were left wounded. The truth is shootings like these have become a painstakingly American issue. How can those in power allow this to continue happening? Is this what our legacy will be as a nation? I say no- and that is why I am dedicated to implementing more thorough background checks, mental health screenings, and safety training for anyone who is seeking to purchase a firearm. However, a matter that goes beyond the American people is the issue of human-caused climate change. If elected, I plan to lead the U.S. as an example to the world in a shift towards clean energy, significantly reducing our carbon footprint, and finding new and creative solutions to combat global warming. The need for change is no longer a question of ‘if’, but rather ‘when’. These are my values, and these are the issues I can guarantee to fight for in Washington. I won’t be working to protect the interests of corporate lobbyists, no, I will be working for you. The American people. I believe that together, we can pave the way to a better tomorrow for us all and show just how high this country can reach. On behalf of the People’s Progressive Party, I would like to thank you all again for being here, I would like to thank my fellow candidates for speaking here today, and most of all, I would like to thank my running mate Sophia Gerkov and the rest of my wonderful campaign team. Remember to vote for someone who will fight for you- the American people. Remember to vote Hain at today’s polls. Thank you.
Our Scandal Speech
My press secretary Cavan was indeed caught driving under the influence on the way home from a fundraiser purposely meant to stop or bring awareness for mothers whom have lost their children due to drunk driving. However there is a way better explanation for his actions. As soon as he left the fundraiser he decided to meet up with a few of the fundraiser managers and a few other friends at a bar, he had no intention to drink an alcoholic beverage, however he did decide on having one drink. He drank the one drink and ate his dinner. He then ended up meeting a few of his long time friends at a bar downtown. He still had no intention to drink any alcohol, so he ordered a coke, and had some appetizers, however his long time friends decided to start taking shots, and feeling left out he decided to take a few, he's always been able to consume alcohol and drive normally. He ended up taking 10 shots, luckily the bar was about 10 minutes from his house so he decided to drive home, and right as he was up the street, he was pulled over by a cop for aggressively swerving lanes and that's when the cop smelled the alcohol and decided to do a breathalyzer test . We are so so deeply sorry for his un responsible actions, and we will be giving $2,000 back to the Mother Against Drunk Driving fundraiser, and his punishment will remain unannounced. Again on behalf of the peoples progressive party we are so sorry.